News on the Lent adventure, last night I lit a candle and prayed. Todays, task was to give an apple to someone. This is quite tricky as the apple is not the fruit favourite these days. However, compromise was met when I gave a banana to Woody. Not sure what the thinking behind this particular task really. I also wrote a letter thanking someone. Outstanding tasks are now to have a meat free day, I did already do this but not with intent so my day of non meat is set for tommorow. I must also let someone who is in a rush have your place in a queue.
Laters!
Monday, 26 February 2007
Sunday, 25 February 2007
Lent
For lent I decided that I would give up being negative and that I would read some books instead of sitting on my bum. I soon realised that these were crap things to do for lent and so I have also decided to sign up to the Church of England's primary coloured, smiley faced, Danny Wallace-alike, Love Life Live Lent scheme and to report on this here blog, whereby I am accountable to those who read. See following link: http://www.livelent.net/
The basic premise of this is that each day over Lent you are encouraged to do a random act of kindness for yourself, someone else or for the planet.
I am behind so far but here are the first 7:
1. Make someone laugh. In response to this challenge I sent the following joke to a friend:
Why did Graham Norton cross the road? To buy a car from a shop, a car however which he could not operate, being a gay man. Before leaving he made a cock joke to break the obvious tension given the mistake he had made.
At other times in the week I did make people laugh but I couldn't think of a specific example. I appreciate that obscure jokes about a gay Graham Norton are not really in the spirit of Lent, but I panicked.
2. Go to a party. See below post!
3. Spend some time in silence. I did do this on Thursday whilst walking to work and I had some actually God time yesterday evening before I even looked at this list. Brilliant.
I still have 4 from last week to do this week. One of them I can do today.
The basic premise of this is that each day over Lent you are encouraged to do a random act of kindness for yourself, someone else or for the planet.
I am behind so far but here are the first 7:
1. Make someone laugh. In response to this challenge I sent the following joke to a friend:
Why did Graham Norton cross the road? To buy a car from a shop, a car however which he could not operate, being a gay man. Before leaving he made a cock joke to break the obvious tension given the mistake he had made.
At other times in the week I did make people laugh but I couldn't think of a specific example. I appreciate that obscure jokes about a gay Graham Norton are not really in the spirit of Lent, but I panicked.
2. Go to a party. See below post!
3. Spend some time in silence. I did do this on Thursday whilst walking to work and I had some actually God time yesterday evening before I even looked at this list. Brilliant.
I still have 4 from last week to do this week. One of them I can do today.
Friday, 23 February 2007
Strange things happen... a follow up...
Since my last post I have been thinking a bit more about the issue of identity and masks that we wear.
The idea of havin a blog is strange to me and probably to others also. For me it has always been a kind of safe haven, a place where I can voice my private thoughts and opinions for the whole world to read and judge. For some reason we will say things in blog that we won't even say in the company of friends or family. This is something I am used to in that most of the songs I write are quite personal yet are encrypted in such a way that it may be slightly ambiguous, as in the case of many art forms. But the blog is bold and brash and blatant, written without thought or concern, the deepest of feelings poured out so shamelessly that we don't give the consequences a second thought. Only once have I been burnt by the blog.
When I was at university, one week I received a particularly harsh critique of a short story I had written from a tutor. I was annoyed and vented this via my blog, critiquing her work and teaching style against a colleague of hers who was my personal tutor who I greatly respect. Now, the problem with having tutors who are published, award winning writers is that people they know find interest in googling their names to see what fun things have been written about them. And on one occasion my 'article' was found and forwarded to said personal tutor who, at my next one to one, advised that this article had been found and asked if I would kindly remove it just to make sure that ite didn't find it's way into the hand of the nasty tutor. Needles to say I was horrified and deeply embarrased, although once I had graduated my personal tutor confessed that he agreed with me that the other tutor was indeed shit as I had pointed out.
I digress, the point is that I still kept blogging despite causing the trouble, all be it a little more discreetly. But why? I don't know. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Again, I don't know. Its 2:15 am and I can't fully think anymore.
Discuss though and I shall respond shortly! x
The idea of havin a blog is strange to me and probably to others also. For me it has always been a kind of safe haven, a place where I can voice my private thoughts and opinions for the whole world to read and judge. For some reason we will say things in blog that we won't even say in the company of friends or family. This is something I am used to in that most of the songs I write are quite personal yet are encrypted in such a way that it may be slightly ambiguous, as in the case of many art forms. But the blog is bold and brash and blatant, written without thought or concern, the deepest of feelings poured out so shamelessly that we don't give the consequences a second thought. Only once have I been burnt by the blog.
When I was at university, one week I received a particularly harsh critique of a short story I had written from a tutor. I was annoyed and vented this via my blog, critiquing her work and teaching style against a colleague of hers who was my personal tutor who I greatly respect. Now, the problem with having tutors who are published, award winning writers is that people they know find interest in googling their names to see what fun things have been written about them. And on one occasion my 'article' was found and forwarded to said personal tutor who, at my next one to one, advised that this article had been found and asked if I would kindly remove it just to make sure that ite didn't find it's way into the hand of the nasty tutor. Needles to say I was horrified and deeply embarrased, although once I had graduated my personal tutor confessed that he agreed with me that the other tutor was indeed shit as I had pointed out.
I digress, the point is that I still kept blogging despite causing the trouble, all be it a little more discreetly. But why? I don't know. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Again, I don't know. Its 2:15 am and I can't fully think anymore.
Discuss though and I shall respond shortly! x
Wednesday, 21 February 2007
Strange things happen when you step out of your comfort zone
Having just written a letter to Mr Stinson and carrying on from the revalations promised in my last post, I thought I would talk about some of my deepest insecurities, for your amusements only.
The truth is that occasionallt I really miss you, all you lovely people from home who know me for what I am and love me for it. Indeed you are my home, and at the moment I'm just wandering a little.
The problem seems to be with lack of confidence or safety. When I'm with the boys I'm quite happy to accost random strangers with yelps of yes mate, of to hollow out so many loaves of bread. Few people round these parts fully understand that of me, and i get the feeling that everone just points and stares. It's not endearing, it's just weird. I played a friend some of And My Eccentric Face and it was met with a horror blank face followed by a suggestion that I was some kind of pervert. But this is me, this is what I do but somehow I feel ashamed of my whole self.
On a serious note though I sometimes find it a real struggle, shifting between different identities for different social occasions. I feel that I often censor myself in the fear that I provoke an unexpected response of offend someone. I know that we all do this kind of thing to an extent, that we all have a work face etc, but it bothers me sometimes. I don't know which version of me to be to be the most socially acceptable.
Yesterday I spent the whole day arguing with myself about whether I should go to a pancake party I had been invited to, simply because I had over analysed the text message too much and I was scared that I would be awkward and say something stupid. I decided that I would reply to the invite saying that I may not be able to make it as I wasn't sure where the location was and I had to rise for work at 6 am the next day. I decided that it was it was better to feign apathy than to admit the fear burning in my stomach. I knew that that was the best thing to do. I thought that eventually with some practice I would master the art of shifting my personality according to social context.
But somewhere in the back of my head I heard the voice of Danny Wallace, whose book on the subject I can highly recommend, urging me to embrace yes. And so I went to the party! I got lost on the way and wandered the streets for nearly an hour, I stood there awkwardly sipping my Coke and sweating over my pancake next to a bloke whose dreams I had shattered in conversation after stating that I didn't really follow football and then who ignored me for the rest of the night. And yes I said stupid things, namely that the hosts dog looked strangely kickable, demonstrated that you could get away with lying to people on the basis that most people can't remember what thet were doing 10 years ago and that Mikhail Gorbachev when losing his hair must have been given the shock of his life when he noticed his birthmark. But it was OK.
I learnt an important lesson in this, that you should be able to just be yourself and if people don't understand you and that means that you have to stand awkwardly in silence with them, then so be it! It's a hard challenge to live up to but maybe there is something to it.
Strange things happen when you step out of your comfort zone. But I guess it's just what happens when you step out on your own.
(just realised that ryhmes and is a little cheeesy... nevermind though)
From your friend, the chronic worrier,
Goodnight
The truth is that occasionallt I really miss you, all you lovely people from home who know me for what I am and love me for it. Indeed you are my home, and at the moment I'm just wandering a little.
The problem seems to be with lack of confidence or safety. When I'm with the boys I'm quite happy to accost random strangers with yelps of yes mate, of to hollow out so many loaves of bread. Few people round these parts fully understand that of me, and i get the feeling that everone just points and stares. It's not endearing, it's just weird. I played a friend some of And My Eccentric Face and it was met with a horror blank face followed by a suggestion that I was some kind of pervert. But this is me, this is what I do but somehow I feel ashamed of my whole self.
On a serious note though I sometimes find it a real struggle, shifting between different identities for different social occasions. I feel that I often censor myself in the fear that I provoke an unexpected response of offend someone. I know that we all do this kind of thing to an extent, that we all have a work face etc, but it bothers me sometimes. I don't know which version of me to be to be the most socially acceptable.
Yesterday I spent the whole day arguing with myself about whether I should go to a pancake party I had been invited to, simply because I had over analysed the text message too much and I was scared that I would be awkward and say something stupid. I decided that I would reply to the invite saying that I may not be able to make it as I wasn't sure where the location was and I had to rise for work at 6 am the next day. I decided that it was it was better to feign apathy than to admit the fear burning in my stomach. I knew that that was the best thing to do. I thought that eventually with some practice I would master the art of shifting my personality according to social context.
But somewhere in the back of my head I heard the voice of Danny Wallace, whose book on the subject I can highly recommend, urging me to embrace yes. And so I went to the party! I got lost on the way and wandered the streets for nearly an hour, I stood there awkwardly sipping my Coke and sweating over my pancake next to a bloke whose dreams I had shattered in conversation after stating that I didn't really follow football and then who ignored me for the rest of the night. And yes I said stupid things, namely that the hosts dog looked strangely kickable, demonstrated that you could get away with lying to people on the basis that most people can't remember what thet were doing 10 years ago and that Mikhail Gorbachev when losing his hair must have been given the shock of his life when he noticed his birthmark. But it was OK.
I learnt an important lesson in this, that you should be able to just be yourself and if people don't understand you and that means that you have to stand awkwardly in silence with them, then so be it! It's a hard challenge to live up to but maybe there is something to it.
Strange things happen when you step out of your comfort zone. But I guess it's just what happens when you step out on your own.
(just realised that ryhmes and is a little cheeesy... nevermind though)
From your friend, the chronic worrier,
Goodnight
Sunday, 18 February 2007
Start... again
Ok so I've really got to get this blogging thing sorted. I'll be honest, I did write some new posts on sly when I was at work but it seems that I couldn't get round to posting anything.
Anyway, I will endeavor to make this work.
So, what news? Since my last post I have started my driving lessons again and have written some more poetry. However, I have not yet passed my practical test or had any poetry sent out to be published. The band I was doing seems to have stopped so it's back to the drawing board. I am keen to do some open mic spots or solo slots. Whether or not this will manifest into anything is another question.
I've been thinking recently. So many thoughts, so little space and time. I feel odd coming back into the blogging arena. This will no longer be the blog of a bored student, or of a graduate on the cuspe of a world with money and taxes and mundanity. I'm not quite sure of my voice here anymore... and it feels weird. Where to start?
Not here tonight that is for certain. So, on that ominous note I shall now go.
Anyway, I will endeavor to make this work.
So, what news? Since my last post I have started my driving lessons again and have written some more poetry. However, I have not yet passed my practical test or had any poetry sent out to be published. The band I was doing seems to have stopped so it's back to the drawing board. I am keen to do some open mic spots or solo slots. Whether or not this will manifest into anything is another question.
I've been thinking recently. So many thoughts, so little space and time. I feel odd coming back into the blogging arena. This will no longer be the blog of a bored student, or of a graduate on the cuspe of a world with money and taxes and mundanity. I'm not quite sure of my voice here anymore... and it feels weird. Where to start?
Not here tonight that is for certain. So, on that ominous note I shall now go.
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