Farts or Wee?

Nearly true to my promise, I have been partially been following the Lenton tasks set out for me (and other people) by the Church of England. See below.

There is however a problem with some of them:

Turn off the tap when you clean your teeth - I brush my teeth in the shower, killing two birds with one stone

Go for a walk in your neighbourhood with a friend - No-one was free for a walk that day

Feed the birds - I live in Bolton where the only birds are vermin pigeon. Here, to feed them is a finable offence.

It is quite difficult to carry out some of these tasks and also unfulfilling. Some for me are just plain manners. I did however chat to someone new at church, an old man named Ron/Bill depending where he was. I also said something nice to someone behind their back and had a tv free day where I did something I wanted to do for ages, however after I finished I had some time free so watched prison break.

There is one task which I took issue with. Phone or text someone to say goodnight. Now I did do this but not at night. I had already text the boys at home that night questioning whether they thought a chimp had ever attempted to milk a wolf and so my goodnight wishes may have seen a little out of place but maybe I should have. Scrolling through my phone I couldn't find anyone to text where this may be appropriate. Also part of the problem was that to me this seemed like a potential come on to the innocent lady. Now there were friends who were approprately not married who I am in regular contact with who I could have text or rung to say Goodnight but I wasn't sure if I should push those friendships to the next level unless it was understood in the correct context and indeed reciprocated. I could imagine nothing worse than sending a goodnight message and not receiving one back (especially from whose who might, you know.... be on the list). In the end I sent a text message and tagged it on the end but it was a cop out because I sent it at 4 pm.

So, there are now three face saving choices.

1. I can send a text to everyone in my phone wishing them a goodnight followed by a web link to the below website excusing me of my madness but sacrificing the nature of goodwill intended by this gesture.

2. Do as above without the explaination and except that people will now view me as some kind of nutter, thus negating all the previous good work I have done to build up these friendships.

3. Just... not bother.

In other news today I spend 15 minutes contemplating which is funnier- Wee or Farts.

To summarise, farts are funny as we know because it is some sh*t smelling gas coming out of an anus. However, some would say that it is often a hackneyed and worn out tradition of humour, funny only because society expects us to find it funny in the same way that people consider Billy Connelly to be the funniest man in the world ever, with his Scotch face and beard.

Or is it wee which is funnier, wee which is yellow and smells of wee coming out of a body in liquid form. Simple yet effective?